10 commandments

This recently turned up on an ancient piece of papyrus found in a velodrome shaped sink hole along the Dead Sea. Archeologists are currently dating the condensed-milk-can that it was buried in (the preferred sports drink of the time). It is believe to be written in the hand of Major Taylor himself, it is also autographed by Maurice Garin (1904 TdF winner) and Steve Hill, who were thought to be in the area around 1900..

The script, written in izumi chain lube residue saturated in road soot, snot, and chain dust, reads as follows:


1) thou shall not give up without your best fight
2) thou shall not put everyone to sleep by going slow without a reason.
3) thou shall enjoy a good loss just as much as a good win.
4) your trash talk should be funny!!
5) winning with better equipment than your opponent is a humiliation.
6) thou shall strive to do the unexpected and learn new tactics
7) always congratulate a good opponent
(who follows these rules)
8) always thank a good official and good promoter and a good crowd of spectators.
9) your racing will happen on the track.. not on Facebook.
10) to be a sprinter you must Sprint!! this is not a fantasy game.
11) thou shall take ALL challengers and accept your fate with not fear of loosing.
12) healthy living and hard work are the only methods. drugs and all other secret advantages are for assholes.
13) thou shall train harder, smarter, and longer
14) thou shall always rest on mondays. (and party on sunday night after the race)


The church's commandments have groups "natural law", "respect my authoritah", and "I don't know what you are talking about??".... these sprint rules can be analyzed in groups as well. Scholars are using the groups of 'keep it real', 'love what you do', and 'love those you do it with'

The authenticity of this document is supported by the fact that there are 14 items in the 10 commandments. A points racer would have done a better job counting. Strangely, no mention of the UCI or USCF rule book was found.

More news as it develops in the middle east...

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1 comments:

  1. TWOTONEATL Says:

    this rules